Gyaani Devi Chhavi - 1

I have actually ceased writing about my convos with my dear daughter... Mainly because of two reasons.
1. I forget a lot of them a few mins after its happened.
2. She makes a lot of witty remarks. Thats another reason for #1.

Chhavi talks a lot. Anyone who knows her would second me on this. And lot means a LOT. She talks even when she is eating or when she's playing, she talks to herself. Hell, I thought she was silent only when asleep, until the other day I heard her talk in her sleep too LOL.

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One day, both of us were having our morning drink, she a glass of milk and me a glass of light jaggery coffee (yum !!) And when both of us were done, I stacked my glass in hers and asked her to drop them in the sink.

Turns out my glass was a bit bigger and taller than hers and it didn't sit in the other one far enff. So she re-stacks them in the opposite way and then goes ahead to give me some gyaan.

Amma, if you stack them like this, this glass wont go inside this one. So see you should stack it like this, now this glass will go inside this... you understand ?? (All the time, demonstrating me how it should and should not be done) - sigh... when did she become a granny and skip all those beautiful baby talking years in between !!

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The other day, there was some lunch at the temple near our house and we all decided to go there in 2 shifts. We did not wanna take lo#2, because it was his nap time. So me, mom and Chhavi decided to go first and just as we were leaving, she looks at my dad (who was staying back) and says... Ajja, look after Viaan well. Ill go to the temple, have lunch and come back and then she repeats the whole thing again.

The temple is like at the end of the road from our house. So while almost ending lunch, casually mom told me to give a ring to dad and ask him to start from the house (since baby is sleeping) and to meet us halfway to hand over the keys. This girl starts screaming in the middle of the conversation... So he will leave baby alone in the house and come is it ? (with an angry undertone)

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Everytime she goes to the bathroom to pee, she either advices whoever is taking her to stand outside the bathroom and lock the door from the outside and not to let anyone inside !!! Goodness, YOU are just 2.5 yrs old as of yet.... Who would wanna come n peek at you :)

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There is a boy next door who attends the same play home as her. The first few days when he joined, his mom sat with him the whole time as he was unwilling to stay back. After watching them a couple of days, my daughter decides to do some baby sitting. She goes and tells the boy's mom. Aunty, you go home. I am here with your son. Don't worry, he wont cry. You can go home now. That lady was shocked and she came home and told me about their conversation. I couldn't stop smiling.

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Basically she repeats most of the things we say to her but she actually fires it back at us at the appropriate time.

Roll Over, Roll Over

Its like the rhyme.

There were 10 on the bed and the little one said - roll over, roll over. 

So they all rolled over and one fell down... 

So my lo#2 rolled over onto his side today, except that no one fell down.

Your own set of problems

Puchku, this is how I fondly call you now that you are 4 months old. Now you are all chubby and cute and bubbly most of the time. But you came with your own set of problems.

On the 7th day itself, you had to be admitted to the hospital because of high jaundice levels. You recovered quite quickly from that though. After that we traveled to Mangalore and then you had your very own cradling and naming ceremony. Right after that, in a few days your dad traveled to Dubai for work and then - thats when the calamity struck.

You reduced feeding and went into a comatose kind of state for a long stretch. I just thought that you were doing your nights. You used to feed a bit in the day time but went for long stretches w/o feed at nights. We went to the doctor for a quick checkup and he just examined your laboured breathing and diagnosed you with severe pneumonia. I should have seen the signs. I am sorry for not being able to recognise them. I haven't stopped chiding myself about it yet. I cannot even begin to fathom about what would have happened if we were even a few hours late in going to the doc. 

Already even at this point, the doctor had said that he could not give us any hope. He had to give you a pretty strong dose of antibiotics, because both of your lungs were completely infected. Moreover you hadn't responded to a milder shot. You were in the NICU on a strict "No Oral" treatment. Your glucose levels were maintained thru an IV and medications also. I hated the fact that I cudnt breastfeed you. I was not even allowed to touch you until 3 days. I was allowed inside the NICU just to look at you :( that too only once in 4 - 5 hrs or so. I would ask the nurses each time about your progress, hoping to catch a positive note from their voice. But they are advised by the doctors not to reveal anything and they would only say "He's fine now". 

The "now" part is what I began to dread. It could only mean that they were not hopeful about the future. What else could it stand for ? Meanwhile there were other petite and premie babies struggling in the NICU at the same time. Believe me, the NICU is not a pretty sight :( Its the worse thing to see small tiny lives struggling with their small bodies. To top all this scare and lack of information, another premie decided to say goodbye to the world in that NICU !! Thankfully the doc had allowed me to breastfeed you after the 3 days, which the nurses said was a good sign. Otherwise, I would have collapsed with the news of the other baby's death !!! It was just horrible :(

You were a fighter for sure. And I believe you will always be. You recovered and they moved you to a ward room. We shifted you to a hospital nearer to our house and you had to get a central line IV done. This was because all your hands and feet were already punctured to find a vein and they had run out of spots to prick you on and they had to give the medicines only thru IV. It was pathetic to see all your wrists and legs having tiny holes (dried up punctures). The doctor who did your central IV somehow managed to find a good central line soon and was able to get you out of the OT in a couple of hrs. Until then, I just couldn't sit in a single place. I was pacing up and down the length of the corridor. 

After that came another set of issues. Your breastfeeding returned to normal and you had to be kept swaddled all the time lest you pull out the IV line while moving your hands. This led to you getting addicted to the swaddling to fall asleep. More than that, you developed severe rashes on your inner thighs and diaper area, and also under your neck. Most of this was due to the strong antibiotics that you were administered and the rest was because of no air flow. This one took a couple of months to heal, after being discharged from the hospital. Before subsiding, it reached a level, where skin started to peel off from your thighs. However, you wouldn't complain or cry when being cleaned or bathed with warm water. I admire you for that strength to tolerate the pain.

During this time, I also started thinking a lot about the way your tongue was formed. I had noticed it before (when you were born) that your tongue was more attached to your lower palate than other peoples tongues are. However I was not aware that it was a "condition" to be looked into. During your stay at the hospital, the doc casually mentioned that you have a tongue-tie and thats the first time I had heard the term, but I instantly connected the two. He said that you might have problems when you start to speak, that you might not be able to utter a few syllables easily and that you would require another surgery - so to speak - to release the tongue tie. Hopefully this would be your last visit to the hospital. I wouldn't wish for you to come under the knife ever in your life !!

You have emerged from all these problems and turned into a beautiful baby. You cry a lot when you are hungry and cry more when you are sleepy. But you don't wanna sleep easily. You sniffle and whimper until the last moment of falling asleep. You hate being left alone on the floor. You love being carried and moved about. You love being made to stand and sit. You hate the lying down position. You have started turning onto your side, but you are showing no signs of rolling onto your tummy.

I have learnt a lot from you in these past few months. You have shown the strength that most of us adults lack. We crib for silly reasons where the situations are easily fixable. You have been amazing through the 4.5 months of your life. I believe that you will be able to carry forward this strength throughout your life. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS stay strong and content. You have been a winner so far and I wish for you to always be one. LOVE YOU puchku !!!

D-day is here - AGAIN !!

M so excited today. Today is the day I get to see my lo #2. For those who dunno what lo is - lo = little one. Yes, today is the day, I will be delivering (or rather doc will be pulling the baby out of me). Its an elective c-section. Date was decided after a lot of hue and cry from both sets of parents about when's a good date and when's not :)

Long post warning... here it comes !!

I wish I could have delivered at-least 1 of my babies through a normal birth, but fortunately or unfortunately, I did not have that option. Nehoo, lets not dwell on what isnt going to happen. Did I say that I am having my second baby today... lemme say it again... I am having my second one today...

No I am not as excited as it seems from my previous statements. I was just exaggerating there. I am just calm and composed after having been through this whole procedure before. The only thing different is that the first time was a quick surgery w/o much thought and this one had a lot of pre-planning.

So, doc told me to get a pre-test done 2 days ago and after that get admitted to the hospital at 8.30 am without breakfast. Operation would be conducted at 11 am.  Woke up early in the morning, took a long warm bath and left for the hospital. Told all family members not to accompany us since it would be a waste of 3 hours for all of them unnecessarily. And that they should come around 11 am.

DH and I left for the hospital all anticipatory and expectant. Neither of us had any huge expectations about the gender of the baby although I had a slight bias towards having a girl. I wanted to have another girl just so that I can get to dress her up. DH did not mind either. However, everyone who met us felt that we should have a boy to "complete" the family as they called it.

So, we arrived at the hospital promptly at 8.30 and got admitted. We were assigned a very good room. Loved it. And the preparations for the settle-down started slowly. Every person, nurse, relationship manager etc., came and went intermittently as me and DH started to settle down and talk about what lies ahead in our lives.

Finally it was 10.30 am and preps for surgery started. I was wheeled into the operation theatre and in an adjoining room, was IV-ed and then we had another wait of few mins. Meanwhile, DH was busy clicking pictures and videos. Ill update the post with pics later. (My phone screen is badly damaged and under repair currently.) A funny incident was that DH being 6'3" tall and well built wouldnt fit into any of the overalls they provide for him to enter the OT. Luckily they found a nurse's overalls that fit him. Some nurse there was well-built I guess. And it was pink - tee hee tee hee :)

And then it was 11 am and then 11.05 and then 11.10. I started wondering what the heck was happening since the doc said the surgery would be at 11 :? :S .  The doc arrived at 11.15 or so, and I was taken into the OT. The anaesthetist intro'ed himself and proceeded to make me comfortable. He asked me to sit on the OT bed and injected the local anaesthesia near my spinal cord. And then he started asking me different questions. Meanwhile, my legs went all numb and they moved me to a sleeping position.

My doc came in, greeted us and started off with the surgery almost immediately. We were not allowed to film the surgery itself. A few seconds before baby was out doc told DH to keep the camera ready 'coz baby is gonna be out any minute. And there HE was in a couple of seconds, crying loudly, unlike lo #1, who was so stressed out with the normal birth trial that all SHE could do was whimper when she came out - poor thing.

LO #2 maintains his crying habit even now. There isnt a day that goes by when he doesnt have a meltdown and screams until he holds his breath for few seconds, when my mom comments that he is super fit to do pranayama :D.

Meanwhile doc announces that our family is "complete". That fated word again !! Somehow I did not like being told that my family was complete when there was a boy and a girl baby. I understand where they came from, but somehow, I eventually started hating it when someone used that word. Anyway, DH gets called shortly to do the honors and cut the cord.

So, there he was - my (our) little bundle of joy #2 born on July 2nd 2016 at 11:29:31. He was shown to me and then promptly taken away for some tests and stuff, while doc finished stitching me up and then I was wheeled away to a recovery room, baby in tow. Weirdly, although it was a local anasthesia, I started feeling really drowsy after the surgery. I think they had mixed something in my IV fluid to get me to rest. I kept drifting between sleep and wakefulness in short bursts. I wasn't allowed to hold the baby until I got out of that state.

Meanwhile, if they hadnt given me something to sleep, I would probably not rest at all, because even in those short durations of wakey-wake, I was demanding to see the baby and to be moved to my room. And the nurses and doctors had to keep assuring me that they would do so as soon as they could give a go-clear on my vitals. On the other side, apparently, my DH was demanding to see me and baby. I think it was more of baby and less of me that he wanted to see :) He kept asking what was taking so long after surgery to move me to the room. I frankly don't remember having gone through this recovery process for the first surgery.

As for my local anaesthesia, it started wearing off in my upper body faster than some of the nurses and maids there would have liked. So, I abruptly sat up after an hr or so and again demanded to be taken to my room. The maids were commenting that I am sitting up as though I had just had a normal birth and not a c-section. But I still wasn't able to move my legs. Meanwhile, one of the nurses brought the baby to me for his first feed... All my worries of lactating and latching after a c-section birth faded as he went at it like a pro.

Finally I was cleared for being moved and I was soooooo damn happy. We reached my hospital room where the family awaited our arrival. They were all overjoyed to see us.

Waiting for D-day

I know I haven't blogged after my 8th month, but things got super duper hectic after I entered my 8th month of pregnancy. My chores started piling up and I had too many things to be done and cleared up. Every weekend was spent in cleaning up small parts of the room. I got into full-on nesting mode after my 8th month.

And then there was the endless list of things that I had to buy before I got into delivery. Bcoz post-natal, I wouldn't be allowed to set foot outside the house and there were essentials that were needed. Hence I had to rush to places like Chikpet and Jayanagar to buy things that I wanted. And then there was work. Had a project to complete and it took quite awhile to accomplish that.

Then as the date neared, there were other issues. Setting a date for the delivery. Initially we had thought we could have the surgery on 7th (07-07-16) or on 9th (since Chhavi was born on 9th - it would make them exactly 2.5 yrs apart). Both 7th and 9th were not "good" days as per astrology. They suggested 6th or 10th. Doc said 10th would be too late and we would operate sometime around the 7th. So we naturally assumed that we will have the surgery on the 6th. It seemed like a good time until a few days later.

It was just not meant to be. I had other complications in the pregnancy. Doc looked at scan reports - couldn't find anything wrong. But he did not want to take risks. Then the date he suggested was 4th. Again, 4th was not a good day. Neither was 31st or 1st. So many things to consider when elective c-section is opted for. Why is that ?? When kids are born naturally, do we really worry which day they were born on, what time they were born etc., We just accept it as it is. Then why should we worry so much over the elective surgeries ?? Just too much to think about I feel.

Anyways, finally the date was set for 2nd of July and then the days leading to the D-day were kind of slow... Waiting for the day to see my baby - every minute felt like eons. Finally it was the morning of 2nd July. Finally it was here.

D-day happenings - To be continued...

Entering 8th month

Will shortly be completing my 7th month. Planning to take a few days of WFH starting next month onwards, when I enter the 8th month. Also, planning to send dear daughter Chhavi away to my parents house. Chhavi has been getting more and more clingy by the day as the due date gets closer. Hence the thought. Not easy for me / dear dad to leave her and stay away by ourselves, but looks like it has to be done. She's been getting more crankier and cries at every possible chance.

She cries if something doesnt go as she wants. She cries if the building blocks that shes playing with dont fit in a particular way. She cries if things are not going her way. She cries if anybody talks to her when she doesnt wanna. She cries at almost everything. Sometimes, I feel so frustrated that I feel like hitting her. But I havent hit her recently.

I do scream from time to time and she cries again for that too. But I am putting a lot of effort in being extra patient and not hit her. Thats because I made a promise to myself that I'll control my anger henceforth. I was so forlorn after the last few times I hit her. Although I don't hit hard, there were finger marks on her body (she has sensitive skin) and it made me sad and depressed when I saw that. So I have made up my mind to control my temper to a very large extent.

Now that I am entering the 8th month, I also have a lot of planning to be done. Need to pack stuff away for the hospital, clean up the room entirely, pack a few stuff for Chhavi and the baby for use when I go to Mangalore etc., etc., Too many things on my mind. Too much stuff to resolve at work too. Few projects in my hand which I need to clear up before leaving for my maternity. Have to keep in mind not to take up any long projects, which I cannot handle or which would stress me out.

Planning on meeting up with my sister and cousin - planning a small get-together as sis is going away abroad for a few years. Oh God !! So many things - so much planning - so much to be done. I should take a time management course. I have always been bad at it and it would definitely help and I have been thinking about it for a while now. Maybe ill find some courses online - now that everything is available online :D :P

Will try and keep the blog updated...
- So

30 weeks Update !!

On the verge of completing 7 months already... God !! How time flies by...

Things have gotten hectic both at home and at work. Hence the long break from blogging and posting about my coming little one. Haven't been able to do justice to blogging and neither have I been able to pay much attention to the new baby :(

Baby would probably feel real bad when it grows up. Anyhoo... here goes.

Currently at 31 weeks and writing this post.

Dearest babbatoo... you have been kicking a lot lately and its keeping me awake all night some of the days. You have become super duper active and spend a lot of time awake. Compared to your sister Chhavi, you are more active and kicking and moving almost all the time. I can sometimes feel your little feet / hands when I stroke / press on my belly. Also, sometimes you lift your bum and then its fun to play with you. If I press on your bum, you move around and lift it elsewhere on my stomach. However, Chhavi used to have a lot of hiccups, but you dont seem to have as many.

I am patiently waiting for the day when I can see shapes forming on my belly when you move around. Was the same with Chhavi, so am hoping it will happen with you too. Also Dear Dad and me have been trying to guess your gender. Not that we are particular about you being a girl or boy, but its fun to just try and speculate. We read about all the myths floating around on the internet. God, how stupid some of them seem :) Some of them are so obviously mythical, but whatever, its a fun pastime.

Oh BTW, last weekend, we had some blood reports done for thyroid, haemoglobin and sugar levels. Everything turned out to be normal. That was a huge relief, especially the iron levels. Never thought they would come to normal, since I have always been anaemic. Next appointment is going to be on the 21st. Also waiting for the next scan date to see you.

We are also looking at good days to welcome you into the world. Doctor has said that it will be on one of the mornings in the first week of July. So waiting to talk to him about the date for the operation. Lets see how things go. Next post in a few days... Ciao.

Conversations with Chhavi - 4

Sometimes when she wants to ask something she goes...
"Mamma, idu nindu purse ???  (Is this your purse) " with a long tone... stating that she wants to play with it. When I just respond with an 'Yes', she repeats the questions until I ask her... do you want it ? And she just nods her head happily !!

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If I am sniffling even a little bit, Chhavi goes - Mamma, nosey ? and when I say yes, she proceeds to clean my nose with a cloth / tissue !! LOL - what all kids learn by noticing the actions of adults.

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One day Chhavi stamped my bare feet with her shoe clad feet. It was really hurtful. I screamed a bit and told her sternly that she hurt me. She goes... "Mamma, abbu jalle ?? Gharkad vachunu cream lavya... blue blue cream lavya" (Mamma, did u get wounded, we'll go home and apply some cream... blue blue cream...) Aww... I just melted then and there. How can you ever stay angry at these tiny tots !! ?

12 week NT scan

Dear Buttercup (yes, thats the name I have given you after much thought)

Today was your 12th week scan... Today was the first time we actually saw you.

With Chhavi, we had to have couple of scans before the NT scan, due to some precautions, but this time, there were no issues. So, this was the first one. You were also shy just like Chhavi - but lesser. But you were much more hyper - Chhavi was a quiet one. You were literally tossing and turning and jumping around and not letting the doc get a good view of you.

I cried again (as I always do at ultrasounds). But it was a happy teary time. Your heartbeat soothed me in many ways, because, until then I wasn't really sure of how everything was / is. I was really scared. I was constantly worried since we hadn't actually seen you. Doc said there is nothing to worry and baby and mommy are both hale and healthy. We both came home a happy couple.

Chhavi was there with us and she was interested for only a short time in the beginning as to what was happening around her, and then she lost interest. Cant blame her, since shes just 2 yrs old and she doesnt know what to actually look for. Anyways...

Ill put up your NT scan pics once I have them on my phone. Next scan is at 20 weeks or so I believe.

Conversations with Chhavi - 3

One day I was eating some Mangalorean sweet dish. Chhavi came and pulled it away from me in order to have it for herself, as she always does. She was happily munching away when I came with another dish (Puran Poli - Holige) and I fed a few pieces to her. Immediately, she switched both our plates and said... Mamma, neenu idu tinnu, naanu idu tintini. (Mamma, you eat this and ill eat this - pointing to our switched plates). All of us were dumb founded.

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I bought Chhavi a box of color pencils the other day and she is obsessed with it. She finds a piece of paper each time and starts scribbling on it. When we take the pencil and hold it in reverse position, she goes - ulta, ulta... she holds it right and then says - heege baribeku (You should write like this). Doesn't miss even a single time.

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When she doesnt want to do something, if we ask her to do it, she immediately says - Naanu maaDalla, naanu hogalla... or the same in Konkani, haava karna, haava vachana, haava khayna etc., meaning, I wont do, I wont go.. I wont eat..... I wont 'something else'.

She is very determined about it. Also, from the past few days - being at my parents' house has improved her konkani a lot. She has picked up quite a bit from my mom and dad and she fluently says different things, which I never taught her or cant remember having spoken to her about.

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Onto new adventures in the new year 2016

My second biggest most awaited adventure has finally started. However, the start is really really slow and bad. I puke most of the nights and feel queasy the rest of the times. Yes, you guessed it right. I am expecting my second one in July.

It is said - history repeats itself. In my case, for my first one, we tried for a few months, before finally conceiving and the HPTs turned out negative. Had to get a Beta HCG done to get a positive. In the second case also, we tried for a few months, but timing always seemed off. Had to have my first symptoms of dizziness and nausea to go get my blood test done, which of-course came out negative. Gave up all hopes, but went back in a week's time again to re-confirm and lo and behold... the test was positive this time. So many false negatives to deal with.

Nov 20th 2015

Got the results of my 2nd blood test and turned out to be positive. Point to be noted - Nov 21st is our anniversary. Good news and what a great gift for the both of us.

The due date is July 14th 2016, but the doctor said that since its an elective c-sec, we can choose a date around 1 week before the expected date. We are thinking of July 9th, to match with the Jan 9th of my first one. Lets see if the baby will wait until then :)

Currently I am in my 12th week and the nausea has abated a bit, but the aversions are still there. Have not had any kind of cravings either in my first or my second pregnancies. I wonder why !! Am currently at my parents' and my mom is always asking me what to make for lunch n dinner n stuff, but I just cannot think of a single thing that I would crave to eat. What a waste of the time spent with mom right, if I cannot ask her to make my favourite dish ?

My first scan of 12 weeks is on Jan 8th, a few days from now and I am just waiting to hear a tiny and speedy heartbeat again. The first time I heard it was 2.5 yrs ago and it seems like a long long time now :)

I know dear baby, that I have not been giving you ample attention like I did for my first one. But first ones are first ones...They do hold a special place in life. However, we do love you the same way and no less. I am sorry I have been lazy not to have started writing about you, but I promise, ill try to jot down more stuff from now on. Thats my New Year's resolution for 2016.