Going bald :?

Today was the d-day scheduled for Chhavi's hair removal - basically making her bald.

In the morning I preserved a couple of locks of her hair in a zip lock bag. We were supposed to travel to DH's village - a 2.5 hr drive. We got ready and took off to the temple where the ceremony was going to happen. Chhavi slept most of the way and I decided that she would cause no trouble during the hair removal - since she was full and had completed her sleep.

The minute she was touched by the guy removing the hair - she started screaming like crazy and did not stop until the whole thing was done. The second minute after he stopped - her crying died down abruptly. Finally she got tired - ate a banana and slept for a while after that and everything was fine. She had a bit of food - which she was cranky about. I kind of hit her when I lost my temper. She seemed fine after that, until we started on the return journey. Chhavi started getting super cranky and I just lost my temper. I hit her again.

The thing is that Chhavi becomes super restless and cranky when she's sleepy, but she fights the drowsiness. She hates it when I try to put her to bed. She gets more n more cranky and at that point of time, she refuses anything - food, petting, anything. If we try to even touch her, she wildly flails her arms and hits anything n everything in the radius. Thats what happened when I was trying to feed her in the afternoon and the same thing happened when I tried to feed her on the return journey.

The reason I generally avoid feeding her when she's sleepy is because I tend to lose my temper with her. Today was the worse. I tried everything possible to calm her down, but she wasn't ready to take it. She had already poked both my eyes, pulled my ear and slapped me thrice. I was also having a bad migraine. Finally I just lost it all and hit her hard on her hand. She screamed for a long time and then stopped crying and just went to sleep. I felt so bad afterwards that I cried. Even now, I cannot stop the tears when I think about it. 

I wish she had just gone to sleep when she was sleepy and not behaved this bad. I wish I could have just waited a few more minutes and maybe she would have slept of on her own. I just cannot imagine, how tired she must  have been and in what state of mind and body she was :( I feel so bad that I took out my frustration and tiredness on her when I cannot fathom that she might have also been in the same state !!

Sorry baby - sorry for all the frustrations and lost tempers and beatings that you received and will receive from me. I know myself and hence I am saying this now. I cannot promise you that I will never hit you, I know I will - many times in fact. But please believe me that I will do it out of complete frustration, which would be caused when I would not be able to make it work any other way. I will try my best each time to not lose my temper, not to get angry and the beatings will come only when its absolutely out of my hands. Sorry again. Please forgive me.

- So

Sick Times 2

You have been sick again from the past 10 days and I am unable to decide if I should go to the doctor again. You seem to be fine half the day and then suddenly your fever increases. It goes down when I administer some Dolo drops and you seem to be fine for the next day. And then without reason, your cold increases. I just hope you get well soon. I dont want to start you off on antibiotics again.

Auto Ride

Today me and Chhavi had to go to work / day care by auto - both to and fro. When getting back home, I let her ride in the auto beside me as opposed to holding her in my arms during the ride. I was pretty scared to do so, since it was her first ride in the auto sitting on the seat.

With me holding on to her for 'her' dear life and her clinging onto my clothes as if to never let go ever, I felt she achieved a huge thing today. I felt she needed to do it, to make her feel partly independent - atleast to her young mind, she would be :)

I am thinking in a few days I should start driving to work and then she would need to sit in the back seat all by herself - so it would be a good start for her. I know that babies in the US (or in most parts of the world) are taught from a very young age to be in a car seat all by themselves, but as an Indian baby, it was a big thing for me and my baby to do this.

I like that during rides or drives, she is the quietest thing that ever could be. Most of the times she's asleep and My God, does she sleep on the bike. If she's not asleep, then she can be quickly quietened by giving her a toy to play with. Sometimes, when I am in the passenger seat of the car, she wants to play with the radio / AC knobs, the hand break, the gears and the AC vents. If not any of those, she wants to try standing up and do the balancing act with one hand as a support on my shoulders and the other hand in mid air, as if she would stand up in a second and she would balance herself throughout the drive - haha !!

On another note, my DD turned 7 months old on the 9th of this month and in the past month, she has learnt to sit up in the rocker, sit up by herself, crawl on one knee (yes its the funniest thing to watch), crawl on her stomach, stand up with support and most recently coo at people with sounds like ooooohhhhh, nyea, avvvvaaaa, ammmeaeaeaea etc., She laughs at the silliest things like for example if we rub our noses at her tummy or under her neck, when we do peekaboo or when we throw her up in the air.

She is so impatient when I feed her ragi and wheat malt. She wants the spoon constantly in her mouth and even if I take it out for a sec to refill it, she gets frustrated and screams at the top of her lungs. Its the hardest time of the day for me, but we get through it with her crying and screaming at the top of her lungs for atleast 5 mins straight and me making up my determined mind to go on feeding her and not give up and carry her - lest she demand for milk.

Sometimes, I just start wondering.... can I do it better - do others do it better - am I a good mom ? Not sure I know the answers to any of these questions, but one thing I know for sure is that I am doing the best that I can.

Well stay tuned.... 'coz theres more to come..............

Sick Times 1

Its been a sickness overload this month. I just recovered from a bout of the flu few weeks back. I have fallen sick many a time before and have never loved it. I very rarely fall sick, but when I do, it lasts for long durations which is what I hate about it. Unfortunately, it was my baby's turn to fall sick this time. I cannot imagine what she would be going thru :( Her first fever ever at 6 months 3 weeks.

Couple of days back she suddenly started feeling feverish and had a warm head and the day care caretakers called me up to inform the same. I rushed to her and after discussing with the lady there, even though she dint have much of a temperature rise, we gave her some Dolo drops to help reduce her fever. I then took her home earlier than usual after wrapping up my work as fast as I could.

Even after administering the medicine every 4 hours, she had a temperature rise once again at night which went upto 100.2 degrees. At that time I felt a bit scared that the fever was gonna go to her head. Thankfully that was the only time with a high temperature. Other than that her body remained at 99 degrees and did not cross it.

Her fever continued the next day on and off and I was kind of scared. When I gave her the drops, her body would lose the heat and after the medicine effect wore off, she would heat up again. I had taken the day off to look after her. I planned to go back to work today morning, but alas, her body felt warm again today. Moreover she had started coughing a little bit since yesterday and while coughing she even threw up when I was feeding her ragi-wheat malt. That is when I decided to go to the doctor.

Its a good thing I went, 'coz I found out from the doc that she had encountered a throat infection. Not sure where she caught it from, but seemed like a heavy load was lifted off my head when I found out. Although it wasn't a good thing, at least it wasn't something serious. Doc prescribed some cough drops for 3 days and if the condition continues - for 2 days more. "No antibiotics needed - not that severe" was what the doctor said.

She has been a bit cranky from past couple of days and always wants to be with me or my co-sister. She doesn't like to be put down to play. Its been a tough 2 days since she hasn't slept at nights as well. Because if not for her sickness, she was always a good night sleeper and as I have mentioned in my previous posts multiple times, she has always been a good silent baby and I cant frankly remember when she has ever been cranky before.

She had not even had the slightest fever during her BCG and other vaccines. The 2 days were really bad for me too because I spent sleepless nights and I have a pelvic bone beaking in my waist and it has caused me severe pains since a month now. I cannot cross my legs and sit. Also Chhavi always demands to sleep on my legs and it has really been a bad time for me because of my condition. I have experienced severe back pain because of continuously sitting in that position for 3 - 4 hrs. My DH is such a doll. He rubs the gel on every night - and I still jab at him when he doesn't put her to bed.

Anyways, today she is feeling much more better after she started taking her cough drops and is now sleeping peacefully. She woke up a few mins back when I started writing this post and started getting a bit cranky, but once I re-fed her, she slept again. DH patted her to sleep when I put her onto her bed. Hopefully she sleeps through the night today. Fingers crossed. And I just hope she doesn't fall sick often.

Back to Work !!

June 9th 2014

I am back to work today and due to unavoidable circumstances, I had to put my dear daughter into day care. I went last week and checked on a few places and zeroed in on the first one that we saw. We liked it a lot because it fit in with my hygiene sense and also homely atmosphere. I decided on Bloom and Grow.

Had to start early morning and drop her off to day care by 9.30. But got late and dropped her off around 10.15 am. Hope tomorrow goes better. I had tears in my eyes when I left from there, but I left with a firm mind that I wont cry whatever happens - because this was for her own good that I am not leaving my job.

I would love to spend more time with her and all that, but I would love to set an example for her on being independent and also, I will be able to provide for her better. Moreover she will adapt easily to any circumstances at an early age and also learn to be more social. I have always been an introvert. So I wouldn't want her to be one. I want her to have all the fun in her life. I will still spend time with her in the evenings and we can catch up after she gets out of day care.

Back to the day care story. Apparently Chhavi slept at around 11.30 - later than her normal time. And she woke up around 12.30 after which I went to check up on her and feed her. I was quite satisfied when the owner of her day care center kept me updated on her activities. It was a huge relief for me. She slept again at around 2.30 pm and woke up at 4 pm.

I picked her up around 4.30 pm and like my one of close friends messaged me today morning "Me and Chhavi crossed a major milestone in our life today". Also, thanks to all my friends and family for supporting me through this decision and special special thanks to DH for even allowing me to take this decision and standing by my side through it.

Communication Skills 2

Chhavi loves watching my mom talk and coo with her. She loves it more when my mom sings. She just watches with awe when my mom sings all the devotional songs and lullabies. My mom calls her 'amma' because she resembles my grandma and also she displays some of the same characteristics. She loves singing, she coos in nice tunes. She stares intently at the pooja room and the deepas (lights in the pooja room). My grandma was an ardent devotee.

Chhavi is a huge attention seeker. If someone is not with her for more than 10 mins, then she screams at the top of her lungs to call them. She has different sounds for each expression. She kind of coughs when shes hungry. She screams loudly when she is sleepy or bored. She coos when shes happy. She has a different shout for when shes angry :)

I love to sing to Chhavi. She listens intently to the rhymes I sing and she loves it when anyone plays with her. She laughs out loud when we play peekaboo with her. The Konkani version goes like this:
Hide yourself and say - Coocoo. Show yourself and say - Achchi. She finds it super amusing.

I dont mean to boast but I feel for a 4 month old she has learnt a lot of things. If she doesnt like a toy, she throws it away. She constantly looks at another toy and stretches out her hand towards it showing that she wants it. The only thing I still regret is that I thought she would learn to move around quickly but she has still not mastered the art of rolling over and back or rest when she is on her stomach.

I hope she learns to crawl and walk soon :)

4 monther

My dear Chhavi baabu turned 4 months old and I cannot imagine where I lost all those days. It seems like just yesterday when I turned to ask the doctor - what baby is it ? Is it a girl ?

I take this time to tell my baby how much I love you. I might get angry sometimes when you cry and disturb my sleep, when you don't sleep even after I pat you for hours, when you cry super hard and you are hungry but you still don't feed or when all you want to do is look around instead of feeding. Although I get irritated sometimes with your behavior, I still love you to the core and will always do.

You have made me realize what motherhood is all about. Made me warm up to my mom more than ever before. Made me realize why my mom is sometimes strict with me. Made me cry when I think about how I have hurt my parents before. Sometimes, I still cannot believe that I have you in my life. You complete me. You are my firstborn and will always be my dearest child.

Anyways, enff of the emotional banter... lets talk about happy things.

You have started rolling over from the past month now. I couldn't take time out to write a post about your 3rd month. You get so excited when people come near you or touch you that you start lifting your head expecting them to pick you up. When anybody even holds your hand, you just lift yourself and sit up.

You love the toys that I bought you in the past week. If you are with your toys, you don't cry - you play by yourself. You love to sit up and stand up (although both with support). I am guessing that you will learn to sit up pretty soon.

Last week your maternal aunt was here with her baby Aadya. She is 1 month elder to you and you both had a good time rolling and crying together. We dressed you up as Radhe-Krishna and Krishna-Radhe alternatively and had a gala time clicking photos of you both playing with your toys, kissing each other, hugging each other, sleeping side by side etc.,

Will update this post with the photos soon.

Your daily routine now:

You have started sleeping through the night from the past month or so and thats a happy thing for me. Although I never minded waking up at night and feeding you, this new activity of yours gives both me and you a sound sleep through the night. You wake up around 5 am or 5:30 am and play with my mom and dad until I wake up at 6 am or 6:30 am and feed you. Then you drift off to sleep again around 7:30 am and wake up only at 10 am next for your bath. You enjoy the oil massage I give you and the hot hot bath. After bath you immediately shut your eyes and you are down for another 3 hrs atleast. After this you feed every 2 hrs like before, except when you catch a nap here and there. Then its the usual feed, burp, play, sleep routine :) You are a huge attention seeker and want someone or the other always next to you to keep talking to you or playing with you.

BTW, even though your neck has set and you are rolling over nicely now, since you sweat a lot, your doc has prescribed a calcium syrup. He said some forms of calcium of deficiency are related to excessive sweating. He said there is no harm is giving some calcium supplement for babies.

The moment you are put into your rocker, you sleep like a baby. DUH !! You are a baby :) I meant to say that you sleep for hours together, even during daytime, if you are in the rocker.

The family thinks you are teething, because you chew anything and everything that you can put your hands on. Also, you chew on your hand, my hand and everyones hand !! Doc on the other hand doesn't think so. Also, he strictly advised against teethers due to fear of infection.

If that first tooth makes its appearance, ill make sure I post it or even if there is something else special. Until then ciao.

Communication Skills 1

My dear daughter,

You are almost 2 months old now. You are a week short of 2 months.

You have started talking to the fan now. You have however started smiling at it from past 2 - 3 weeks.

Baby :) I now call you babbala or babbaloo :D Nobody calls you by your real name and we all regret it, but there is still time. You are still very small. Your dad still calls you babbi kutti (name was coined by me initially, but I stopped using it - he still does LOL).

You love being lifted and cuddled and do not make a fuss for anything else. You only cry when you are extremely hungry or extremely sleepy or need to be cleaned. Even though you have a colic condition, you are a very manageable kiddo.

You become very excited when people come near you or talk to you. Its probably because you think that they will pick you up. You smile loudly when my dad or mom speak to you. Especially my dad. You try to get up from your position and put all the effort for them to carry you. You lift your butt and move your shoulders as if trying to lift yourself off from your rocker. You make such cooing sounds that people around you melt and pick you up.

You also move your hands and feet a lot. So I am sure that you are getting lots of exercise. You enjoy your morning oil massage and bath thoroughly and although you cry during the bath, I am sure you feel great. Because, after the tough massage and hot hot bath, you are so exhausted that you fall right to sleep.

Monthly Checkup - 1 month.

Yesterday we went for a general checkup for you. You seemed miserable from the past few days and you also vomited / spit out milk and curdled milk a couple of times. We went to a doc recommended by my first cousin's husband.

Your most recent weight (at 1month) is 5.81 kg. You are 60 cm long and HC is 38 cm. Doc said you are growing fine - in fact above normal / average. You have the average height of a 3 month-er and you are also gaining weight fast.

He also said that you have a colic condition. Looks like the stretching you are doing a lot is because of this condition. He also said that you are slightly lactose intolerant and suggested Colic Aid drops for you for the colic condition and also another colic drops which is called Cry No.

When I administered the colic aid drops to you the first time, you started jumping and behaving like crazy. So I tasted the drops myself to see if it had a weird taste. It just tasted all mint like - seems like you don't like mint. I will take a video of your reaction and upload it here later :)

Due to the lactose intolerance, you have some condition similar to diaper rash and the doc said it will go away with a diaper rash cream although its not diaper rash. I feel sorry for your pain, but apart from the fact that you are miserable - you don't cry a lot. I cannot imagine what I would do if you constantly cried from the pain or something - I wouldn't know how to handle you. Thanks to you for NOT being very fussy and cranky.

More to come soon.

1 month old !!

You are 1 month old today. Cannot believe, that 1 month ago, I was struggling to bring you out and saw the tiny you and today here you are - so much bigger and chubbier :)

Your discharge weight was 3.9 kgs. The last two times we went to your pediatrician - you weighed 4.280 kg (at 9 days) and 4.640 kg (at 16 days). Doctor said that you were doing super fine and there were no problems.

YOUR LIKES AND DISLIKES:

1. You absolutely hate being swaddled or even being covered with a cloth. You want your hands and feet free to move around. Neither do you like anything covering your head. It will be gone in a split second if your hands are free.

2. You love being cuddled and picked up and make a fuss when you are put down on the bed or quilt.

3. You hate being kept waiting for a feed. At first you just have short cries and if they are not recognized and you are not fed immediately, you shout at the top of your lungs at the highest of pitch that I have ever seen a baby cry in. You are so impatient at the start of the feed that you make a loud noise when you latch on and you almost always end up coughing and sputtering from the heavy inflow :D

4. You are a very restless sleeper. You keep moving around a lot in your sleep. Sometimes the slightest of noises can wake you up. But sometimes, even the loudest don't do a thing. You sometimes turn 90 degrees in your sleep. And you sleep in the most impossible shapes - a 'C' shape, a 'Z' shape etc., Maybe you'll learn your alphabets sooner :D

5. You are very very expressive. You make the most weirdest of faces - pouty, serious thinker, very angry, 'cannot believe it' face etc.,

6. You love and I mean LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE to stretch. I have never seen a baby stretch so much. If you are not sleeping or feeding, you are stretching - all the time. I have even told your DD to put you into gymnastics or aerobics because it seems like you have no bones in your body.

You stretch so much that your paternal grandmother at one point told me to ask the doctor why you stretch so much and if there is anything wrong with you. LOL.

7. You smile a lot in your sleep - more so in the past few days. You cry when you get an oil massage and a hot hot bath.

8. You already turn over to your sides. First time you did this all by yourself was when you were 3 weeks 6 days old. Once when I put you on your side for a nap, you turned onto your belly. We could not believe it. Your maternal grandmother says you do everything at jet speed and to keep a watch over you :)

9. You used to poop a lot - once before and once after every feed - that we called you poopy head for a while (sorry about the public disclosure).

10. You make a lot of noises when you sleep and also when you feed.

11. You are always putting your tongue out - you have a rather long tongue. People say that you will be a good learner (studies wise) - lets wait and watch.

12. Recently you have started to listen intently and watch when people talk to you.

A FEW FIRST EXPERIENCES:

You underwent your first flight journey when you were 17 days old.

You had your ears pierced on your 19th day.

You had your cradling ceremony when you were 19 days old.

You were given 5 names - Chakrika, Chhavi, Chitkala, Ashwini, and Jayashree (We did not want to disappoint that relative who gave you this name). Although more names might come later, during your official naming ceremony. This was also when you were 19 days old.

You experienced your first fireworks show (just heard it in the confines of our house - but it was really loud that you got alarmed at the first loud pop) when you were 3 weeks 6 days old - that was during the Car Festival in Mangalore - your first car festival - although we did not leave the house to go see it

Here are some pictures of you taken today.

 

 

YOU ARRIVED !!

...You had your own plans... I had to rush to the hospital for the 3rd night consecutively on the 8th of Jan, because I felt my water break. I did not want to delay anything. I packed all my last minute stuff and we went to the hospital. This was at 11.30 in the night. DD and me were super excited and all ready (or maybe not - not sure) to welcome you into this world.

LONG POST WARNING.

I was admitted to the labor ward at 12 in the night. I was put on NST for the rest of the night (on and off every 20 minutes). Doc said that I should start getting pains naturally soon, but that did not happen. We waited until 5.30 in the morning. Then doc said that I better get induced. OMG - Did that hurt. Although it was nothing compared to the hurt later. I was in active labor before I knew it and I can only remember it hurt REAL REAL BAD, although I cant remember the actual pains now. I was in labor upto 12.25 in the afternoon and you showed no signs of showing us your pretty pretty face.

By this time I was 9 cm dilated and 80% effaced, but you hadn't shifted a mere inch. You only moved from -2 vertex to -1 vertex and did not want to move further down. We finally had to make a decision.
Doctor said that it looked like we had to go for a c-section because she did not want to risk using the forceps / vacuum even if you moved down later. So, I was rushed to an emergency c-section OT at 12.25.

DD accompanied me and was asked to change into a hospital gown himself. He was allowed inside the OT to stay with me and to welcome you. Everything was ready by 12.30 and then all I heard was the doc saying - "Ready ?? Apply some pressure" to another doctor, who just pushed my stomach down. Then I heard a loud wail and there you were - sharp at 12.34.34 on the 9th of Jan 2014. I still did not know if I had a baby boy or a baby girl and everyone was engrossed in you. Its weird that DD also just lost himself looking at you. I had to ask out loud, if I had a girl or boy and then I heard - "Its a girl".

Tears welled in my eyes and you cannot believe the feeling. I cannot even express it. I just cried later and was wanting to hold you. I kept asking and they said they will let me hold you later. Meanwhile I was cut open and plastered shut and I had not felt a thing. I was on local anesthesia. Not to mention I was on a happiness high !! DD totally forgot about me. I had to pass a comment - "You are so engrossed in your daughter that you did not even see me after she was born". All the doctors laughed at the comment and said that they had not heard anyone say that ever.

DD was asked if he wanted to cut your cord - he answered - "Sure, why not". He cut the cord and it was stored away and sent to Stem Cell Banking at Cryo Nine.

I know for a fact that DD was probably more happy than I was, because I know and he also told me later that he never doubted even for a minute during my pregnancy that you were a baby girl. Even I had my doubts every once in a while, but he never did. He also told me later one day that forever, whenever he thought about having kids, he had always wanted to have a baby girl. And there you were, the most precious thing in our life - in our arms.

You weighed 4.070 kgs, were 54 cms tall and had a head circumference of 35.5 cms. You had a big photo session right in the OT :) With me, with both of us - we missed taking a snap with you and the doctors though - I wish we had one. Then we both were transferred into a recovery room. We were probably the happiest couple and family in the hospital - right there :)

Just like that

So many things have happened in such a short time, that I have had no time at all to update my blog.

After the last scan with my doc, I had an appointment on 26th Dec - during which time, doc said that I was already in early labor and 3 cm dilated. Me and hubby were super surprised because I definitely did not feel anything like labor. I was calmly roaming around and going shopping and stuff :D

She said to take an NST and see the proceedings. My first NST came out completely flat which scared the doc a lot. She said I need to get admitted immediately. But then she realized that baby might be just sleeping - so she said to go have a bite to eat and a drink and take another NST, which then came out amazing. She said there is no problem to be seen - so I can just go home and then relax unless something serious happens - like water break, labor pains or reduced / stopped baby movements.

Well, nothing like that happened, but then I got to go out a lot during the week that followed. My first cousin had a baby boy on 3rd - very cute boy - she wanted a girl badly - but no such luck. Her MIL was probably the most disappointed.

We went to see baby in the hospital. After that on 6th Jan, we went shopping for a dress for my b-day. Meanwhile I was secretly hoping that I would have my baby the next day - the day I was born (7th Jan). Apparently everyone was hoping the same too. But fortunately or unfortunately, it did not turn out that way, although I had to rush to the hospital due to reduced baby movements on the 6th night. Then again on 7th night due to lot of pain and contractions.

ZIP NIL Nothing... Nonetheless, my doctor was amazed that I have been in labor for so long and still there have been no signs of you emerging. You had your own plans :)

Continued in the next post... COMING SOON.

Birthday 2014

Jan 7th, 2014

I had a fun birthday this year just because I was anticipating the birth of my first baby soon. I always hoped secretly that she would be born today, but she had other plans. In case nothing happened, I wanted to dress up nice and look good because for the next birthday I wouldn't be alone :) for many more years to come. I would be trailed by my kids :) So I went out and bought a beautiful dress. I had never bought a dress for my birthday after my marriage.

Meanwhile when it was being packed, me and hubby went and had some juice - we relived old times. I pleaded to get some henna on my hands and he readily agreed. It is times like this when I love my hubby more than ever. He doesn't stop me from doing what I love and is always attentive to my wishes. He is always patient with me (I am the one who loses patience often). He is unlike other husbands who just shout for no reason. Love you sweetheart for being nice to me and loving me unconditionally.

I had been to the hospital yesterday night thinking I had pains. But it turned out to be a false alarm. Anyways, we came home and slept late. Then I woke up early in the morning, freshened up, put on my new dress and went to the temple. Here are some pictures of the special day in order of when they were taken. I am disappointed that my baby did not turn up today, but then again, I wish to think of my birthday as a welcome party for her arrival.